Work
and Leisure
JULIE:
I had Murray in 1995 and that was … with my mum’s agreement
that she would look after him because I wanted to go back to work
full time afterwards. I just knew that that’s what I wanted
to do but obviously that was an ideal situation with her caring
for him as well and then I had Harvey two and a half years later
but only went back to work part time after that because my mum didn’t
feel that she could cope with both of them full time … my
mum was actually sixty nine ... I was a PA in the Business Centre
for Natwest, working for different managers or deputising for them
… I worked in Lewes
Click
here to listen: I
liked helping people and I liked the fact that I was good at
my
job and I did really like it; people, customers that I dealt
with. Each manager had their own portfolio of customers so you
got
to know them very well. They came to rely on you and I liked troubleshooting,
I always did. I taught myself quite a lot about computers while
I was there … and became a bit of an expert like the office
computer buff in that sense as well. And so it was really the
sense
of worth, I don’t know what it is … part of me very
much needs to be praised and I got that from the customers and
from
the managers. I always had very good reports. It’s a highly competitive environment;
people were scrabbling for promotion ... The sales pressure
definitely
increased as time went on - presumably as the banks became more
competitive … I personally felt that sometimes, you were
just flogging people stuff for the sake of it rather than something
that
suited them and was tailored for their needs ... They expected
people to work, particularly the managers, longer hours. Which
is why I
didn’t want to be a manager, I could have been easily but
I felt that with a family, I had got enough and I was happy with
what I was doing. If you like, I was having the benefits of being
a manager because I was obviously looking after the office while
the manager wasn’t there ... without having to pay the penalty
of working long hours and writing reports etc. I worked for managers
in the beginning and they understood the children and … I
didn’t have to stay and work the long hours because I could
use that almost as an excuse.
Then
in March 1999 Mum died very … suddenly and … my
only choice really then, … I gave up working for Natwest to
stay at home and initially be a full time mum … I was gutted
… I enjoyed my job with Natwest. I felt I had been through
a major life change … all forced upon me and hadn’t
made any choices of my own and not only had I lost my mum and my
best friend …that’s what she was to me - that I then
had to give up the job that I really liked as well so it was very
very hard and I was under the doctor for a little while. My husband
was absolutely brilliant, I mean he was really supportive and the
fact that I had the children helped me stay strong but it was very
very hard.
Then
I did a typical Julie thing and took on too much really because
I became treasurer of the local playgroup ... then I …became
elected chairman of the PTFA ... and I also started work doing party
plan ... I couldn’t bear to just sit at home and housework’s
never been my forte really. It wasn’t really enough to just
… rush round the house and keep it clean and tidy …
by June the next year, I had been looking at working in ... the
evenings because by then … I had got used to being there for
the children … and I liked it … I felt that it was very
important to carry on to be there and not put them with childminders
… So I had to look around at other things ... in the end I
decided to take a bit of a risk and work for a party plan company
called Likisma, doing aromatherapy parties ... I always tell people
that it’s a really really good job because I get paid for
socialising ... I can ... if I do two or three parties a week, even
if they are only average parties … earn more doing three evenings
a week than I can working full time as a support assistant in a
classroom ...
…
I do always feel the need to be valued and recognised. I have got
that with Likisma because I have actually done quite well within
the company. Last year I was the fourteenth manager in the country
on personal sales ... It has worked very well ... It just fits in
beautifully ... you go to road shows and rallies and you actually
get up on stage and it’s an ego trip, everybody says how well
you have done. But I do find that as a housewife you don’t
get that and I really really missed it. I actually went for some
counselling after I lost my Mum and ... we discussed this aspect
of it. Mum was brilliant, she was very supportive, she would tell
me what a good job I was doing with the children. I am that sort
of person. I need to be told how well I am doing all the time so
the aromatherapy is an extra way of having somebody say that because
… on the whole, I don’t think men do that perhaps as
well as women. They don’t support each other or say ‘well
done’ in the same way.
I
need to work basically to pay the utility bills without extras.
I mean … in theory, I could go out to work full time now and
we would be a lot more comfortably off but we discussed it and we
would rather stay as we are. Even with the children as they are
quite young. We have all discussed it as a family and decided that
this is what we would rather do than me go and get a full time job.
Andrew’s
happy because I am happy; he really is very good like that. He also
knew … right from the moment that he first met me that I would
never be content just to stay at home all the time - that’s
why I went back to work after I had my first child so he knew that
I always was a bit of a career woman. He was very worried about
me - when I lost mum and when I wasn’t doing anything and
he’s just glad, and so am I that I have found something that
suits us both so well and so he is quite happy with the whole situation.
ZOE:
I was a residential child care officer for a Deaf school in Brighton,
Hamilton Lodge School. I was a child care officer so I worked with
the children outside of school hours. It was a residential school
so they were weekly boarders from Monday to Friday. So I cared for
them before school started and after school had finished. ……working
with the children, particularly because they were deaf children,
I learnt sign language so that then became my skill and also …
I could plan things myself to do with groups of children so I had
quite a lot of flexibility, organising activities for them. I carried
on working, full-time until Gabi was three … then my husband
and I took on; we were joint residential child care officers for
the further education unit so it was a separate house from the school.
We had five residents who lived there, went to college during the
day and then we developed their independence skills. They did their
own shopping and cooking and cleaning ...and we supported them in
that role ... they … went home each weekend but we stayed
in the house, Terry and I and Gabi, so we lived there permanently.
I gave up that post to have Megan and then when Megan was about
a year old I went back to Hamilton Lodge again where I just worked
in the evenings from six till half past nine, Monday to Friday.
Now
I work as a teaching assistant at Telscombe Cliffs Primary School.
I work Monday to Fridays, quarter to nine till one o’clock.
This is my third academic year ... Working within education, …I
really enjoy being in the classroom … When you are …
a teaching assistant you can be asked to do a lot of varying jobs
really, so I think the school, or many schools have to decide whether
they want their teachers assistants to support the children in the
classroom with their academic work or whether they wish them to
be doing photocopying and getting resources ready, backing boards
…We are all women and the teachers are all mostly women …
I was quite impressed the other week that one of the male teachers
had time off, because his wife is also a teacher and their child
was sick and she had had some time off and then he took a couple
of days off so I was quite impressed with that … From a teaching
assistant point of view … most of us …do lots of hours
outside of our working time. For instance I have been away on a
week’s residential course. A residential holiday with year
six which is for a whole week and I went and I only got paid for
the mornings. So they know that we give.
…
I have been really fortunate in my work because when I was at Hamilton
Lodge I had … Gabi with me and then when Megan came along
I gave up and only worked in the evenings when Terry came home from
work. So Terry always had them as babies. We, as a couple have been
quite fussy in the fact that Nanny has been the only one that has
babysat my children but again I am very lucky as I have got a very
supportive in law ... on INSET days when the staff have to go in
to school so the children are off, … we can take our children
in and we take it in turns to do a crèche with our children
so most of us are in on the meeting and two of us are running the
crèche and we just take it in turns.
I
am also a residential social worker for the RNID, Royal National
Institute for the Deaf. I am a relief worker … I work at
weekends in a house which has five young deaf adults, again for
independence
skills. So I go there but I only do weekend work or evening work
when Terry is around to look after the children. I do probably …
four shifts a month … but I might sleep in as well. So …
for instance, last Friday I worked from five o’clock in the
evening until ten o’clock in the evening, then I slept in
and I was back indoors at eight o’clock … Saturday
morning
… and then Terry went to work. When I am going to work on
a weekend, Friday evening they quite often say, ‘are
you coming back tonight’ or ’will you be
here in the morning?’ but I don’t think that
it worries them, it’s just a fact. I feel quite happy with
who they are with, either their dad or their nanny. So when I
walk out the door
… I have got to be fair I don’t think about them when
they are with dad or Nan and I think that it is just important
that
I go to work as well … for me, it’s my career and I
am trying to also give something back to the family and then it’s
not all Terry that’s doing it and the girls see that …
He hasn’t got a problem with me working but there has been
an issue raised on weekend work, that he could go to work and
earn
more money than me at the weekend but I always say that at the
moment I can’t earn that much money but I would like to
go out to work at the weekends to contribute to the family. And
I enjoy going
to work so we both do weekends but really he can earn more money
than me ... I always
tell them when I am going out, who I am going out with and that
nanny is going to baby-sit but at least they have been brought
up
with a life like that.
JEAN:
I used to work as a bar maid in a pub and dad used to come in there
as a customer … in Brighton … just up by the station.
I was twenty-eight and we have been married for thirty four years
now ...
I
used to work at Woolworths on a Saturday as a Saturday girl and
then I went after that, full time for Woolworths …In those
days the pay was very poor... I don’t really remember whether
it was worse for women than for men …I think I used to give
my mum about £2.50 a week when I first started work and then
I think in later years … it went up to £4.50 a week.
But then I used to put a lot into the home, I used to buy things
for the home. When we moved I brought all the lace curtains and
everything like that so … whatever money I earned –
a lot of it did go ... back into the home for my parents …
I just used to like the company and filling up the shelves and doing
a bit of everything. I disliked it when I was put on marking cards
up for Christmas, doing thousands and thousands, putting the prices
on the back of them! …After Woolworths I went to work where
my dad worked at Alan and West and I worked there for many years.
I left there three times and I went back there three times! I used
to build things … I was promoted to being the ‘spare’
girl which, if any people hadn’t done their job right and
it was faulty – they used to bring it along to me to rectify
the job and make it good and I used to get an extra penny an hour
for that … I then went to work in a fruit shop … and
I took over as manageress …It used to be lovely working there
because although our boss was very bad tempered, once you …
finished at the end of the day, he would take us all out and he
was the most smashing boss … but when his wife …and
he used to work together, it was absolutely hell but when they were
separated, it was lovely. I used to … dress the windows and
fill up the shelves and I used to like doing them all pretty and
make sure they looked attractive to the customers when they came
in, I quite enjoyed that … I left there to go to work for
British Home Stores and to make up the money, then I used to work
at the Windsor pub in Brighton, so many nights a week. In British
Home Stores I was a supervisor. I started off from the bottom and
then worked my way up. I can’t remember how long I was there
for, a few years anyway. I worked away, I went to Scotland and I
went to Devon. When they opened up a new British Home Store I used
to go and help the staff who were employed, to help them to run
the shop, before it opened and then once they got their training
in, then we used to go on to another place and then when I met my
husband, Peter – I found that I didn’t want to travel
… so that’s when I gave up the travelling with the British
Home Stores. I did continue to work for them after that but not
for long because I got married and started having a family …
and then I went back to the fruit shop part time … After my
youngest was born I packed up the fruit shop and I just did an evening
cleaning job … Dad used to have you two girls then and on
a Saturday while I used to work.
In
those days … I don’t ever remember, with the friends
we had, any of them going out to full time work, they had little
part time jobs but never went to work full time. They were quite
happy.
CLAIRE:
Click
here to listen: My job title is Assistant Studio
Manager, even though we don’t
have a studio manager. I work for a recruitment advertising agency.
It’s based at Farringdon in London …I count it full
time but the company count it as part time. I do just under the
normal amount of hours for full time. I do shift hours so that
I can pick up James and Holly from school and take them to school,
on a different rota that Dave actually does …you can tell
that there are the women that need to change their hours to suit
bringing up children, I think that in our situation, as in mine
and Dave’s, we are the only couple that I know that actually
do a rota for picking up our children and taking them to school
…I like the people I work with; they’re friends …I
also like dealing with people on the phone and I like solving
problems
when other people have got problems about adverts that haven’t
appeared correct in the newspaper, they’ll always come to
me to try and solve the problem. I find it very difficult when
I
have to leave at two o’clock, that I am leaving everyone
else trying to get on with their jobs and also taking over my
job while
I have to leave to come home to collect James and Holly. That’s
very very hard for me to do. I think because of being at the company
for so long that everyone relies on me, they always come to me
for me to answer their questions and if I am not there, they don’t
know what to do. By the time I get home at three they know that
I have got the mobile switched on, the company mobile so they know
they can phone me on that if they need to. And they do! …
it’s nice to know that I am wanted.
They
(the
children) understand that we need to work to be able
to live in a nice house, to be able to have holidays, to be
able
to
eat …
They also understand that in school holidays we do still need to
work, we can’t use up all our holiday in that time …
I think if I had my way and I had enough money then I’d like
to go part time and just do a couple of days a week or work closer
to home. I’ve always said that I would like to work in a
school and then I’d get the school holidays but James and
Holly wouldn’t
want me to go and work in a school, especially theirs!
I
feel that my company would like me to go back and work full
time.
I’ve been there for thirteen years and within that time I
have changed different roles to suit my hours … Also, it
would mean more money for me but I would then work from between
ten in
the morning until six at night every day and Dave would do eight
in the morning until two …every day so he would have all
the rushing around when he gets home. But he’s happy to
actually do that, he doesn’t mind finishing at two, rushing
home, collecting James and Holly, he’s happier doing that,
I can’t cope
with the early mornings, getting up at half past six! … As
long as we are happier with the hours, we both know exactly what
we are doing, we both know that one of us is doing short days and
one of us is doing long days and it will be easier for James and
Holly as well. They know who is always taking them to school and
who is always picking them up.
CATHERINE: I worked, I just did office work really
and I worked for several different places but Trevor’s always
worked for American Express so he was my main breadwinner basically
because my wage was just pitiful really but I never really got a
career because I wanted to go to University. Or at least I thought
I did, I don’t know, I was doing my A levels and … I
was really enjoying it and I had to give all that up. So I never
really knew what I wanted to do and I just sort of fell into office
work really which I would never do again in a million years but
there you go … It was the money because we pulled all our
money together to buy our place and do it up. We had a great time
… I don’t think I ever got any gratification from it
because … I wanted to be really good at it and I don’t
think I ever got that from my bosses. I never got the praise I craved.
I craved to be really good at something and I think I could have
been and I think that was always there. I never got, ‘oh well
done, you’ve done a fantastic job’ and that used to
get me down I think and I didn’t enjoy it. I worked for the
Estates department in the University of Brighton and I really liked
that job but that was all men in there but I liked it because you
got a lot of attention … and I enjoyed that, just being quite
social. But still I didn’t get anything that this job is really
worthwhile doing. I never really could say I really had job satisfaction.
It was just a pay cheque really I think I was never going to go
back. I wanted to look after my kids so I always said to Trevor,
I don’t want children until I know I don’t have to go
out to work as I didn’t want to put them into any kind of
care … I wanted to be there for them … I always think
that I am going to do it this way because I don’t want them
to suffer like I did.
…
I think Trevor likes me being at home, not in that ‘you
are the woman, you will stay home’ but … he knows
I am good at it and he says that its something that he could never
ever do, he just could not stay at home and look after the kids
and I don’t think he’d like it … I think that
he couldn’t cope. He thinks I do a really good job and he
tells me that and he says that I am a really good mum. No I don’t
think he would want me to leave the boys with someone.
I went back and did a NVQ in beauty therapy because I got sick of
talking about nappies and … I just needed something for myself
… There were a lot of other older women, bored housewives
doing the same thing. It was a really good social thing and I made
some really good friends who I still see and I really enjoyed it.
I don’t know even if that’s me though, although people
say that I am good at it. I stopped doing beauty therapy after Annabel
died because I just couldn’t get motivated with it again.
I
was looking for a part time job because Trevor was going to be turning
30 and I really wanted to buy him something nice and I didn’t
want to ask him for the money. So I saw the Body Shop … I
thought I could do this because it ties in with my beauty therapy
so I did and I made some good money out of it. I paid for Trevor’s
30th … It was a real big achievement. I was really pleased
with myself, spoilt Trevor because he has always looked after me
and been really kind to me. I was really proud of myself doing that.
… then it just got a bit draining … quite demanding
… you had to be out of the house … by seven .. to be
at their house by half seven to set up for eight and you’d
get parties where you’d be there till midnight and it was
just draining. Sometimes I could do four or five a week depending
what time of year it was. It just didn’t work out because
you could go and have a really dry period with no parties. I started
getting pressure from the Body Shop to progress and I just didn’t
want to do it, just didn’t want all the aggro … and
then we got to the point where people … weren’t interested
in having parties and I just thought I don’t need this and
Trevor was missing me because it was long hours … it was all
the paperwork and it … just wasn’t worth it in the end
… it was a good money spinner. I did really well out of it
but it ran its course and I just didn’t want to do it anymore.
I thought I could do my beauty therapy and earn some money from
that.
LEISURE
JULIE:
I like to read books and I don’t have time hardly ever to
do that anymore. So it’s on the loo or in the bath! I find
it very very difficult, even though I am at home during the day,
the only time I really sit down and read my book, is to have lunch
… The other thing that I am very strong on and again Andrew
is very supportive, is before I go out to work … to do a party
I always have a bath and that sounds really silly but even if its
only for 10 minutes, it also goes back to the product as well because
obviously, I put my aromatherapy oils in the bath so that’s
my only other time and then when I come back from the parties I
can’t go straight to bed. So that tends to be a bit of either
reading a book or playing computer games.
But
I do find there is very little time. Again, Andrew is brilliant
because he has said to me ‘you need to do something for
yourself during the day.’ But … to sit down and
read a book over lunch is the one indulgence really. And then, I
either go out to work or if I am not working, I tend to try to put
the children to bed myself obviously, because I am not doing it
otherwise and then have a bit of time with my husband to watch television
or a DVD or play a computer game and wind down a bit … I try
to go on school trips … because I like to do that sort of
thing and I do go in and help in the classroom one morning a week
as well.
ZOE: I am really lucky because I do have a very
very supportive husband really, in many ways, who doesn’t
stop me from doing anything and encourages me to do everything that
I want to do within reason. But I still feel guilty. So he might
come home and say, ‘you could go out every night Zoe and
it wouldn’t bother me’ and I don’t think
it would but I would feel guilty for doing that. Well I go to the
gym at least once a week but I don’t have any real hobbies,
I like socialising and seeing friends and I am fortunate again,
because I work in the school environment I have all the school holidays
so the girls and I spend time seeing people and doing things together.
I enjoy studying and training so if I have the opportunity to do
training courses then I enjoy the work that goes with that …Watching
TV in the evenings, I do like that but everybody does that don’t
they? But I always like to try and sit down by eight o’clock
every evening.
JEAN:
I do voluntary work for a tenants association. It takes up a lot
of time, involves going to meetings and learning all about what
the council do. Some of the meetings are quite interesting and some
of the meetings are quite boring. Owing to the fact that you represent
your tenants you still have to go to them but it is done voluntarily
and you get to know a lot of people and I have met up with a cousin
who I haven’t seen for years and we have now come to be really
close when we go to meetings together. I have been doing this nearly
five years.
CLAIRE:
I try to arrange that if I am going out after work that it is on
one of my days that I do as a long day so it will either be a Monday
or a Wednesday and then I can go out for a drink or go out for a
meal and I don’t need to worry about who is looking after
James and Holly. On the other days then it is harder for me to do
but we also meet up at weekends as well which is nice ...
I used to do cake decorating but that’s now gone out the window.
I’d say our only hobbies really are decorating, we do like
to decorate but we’ve nearly finished now … I suppose
our hobby … in the summer is gardening. It’s very nice
to be able to go out and do the gardening. Most weekends are either
seeing friends or we try to make sure that we do spend some weekends
just on our own, going shopping on Saturdays, going out, going for
a walk through forests and things like that just so that we can
be a family but if you gave James and Holly an option of going for
a walk round the forest or playing out with their friends, then
they’d much prefer to play out with their friends. I take
one day off either in March or April and … go to the Ideal
Home Exhibition with my mum, that’s the only day that I will
really take to be off with anyone else. At Christmas we try to take
a couple of days off, Dave and me to go shopping without James and
Holly … but most of the rest of the holiday is actually taken
off in school holidays.
CATHERINE:
I have got the charity that
takes my time up. I’ve got Matthew that takes every minute
of my time. By the time I get to the evening I just want to veg
and watch something on the TV. I like going on the computer and
surfing the web and looking for holidays … I haven’t
really had time to do anything … I’d like to write a
book or something. Maybe write a book on my experiences with Annabel
or something. I really loved English and I really would like to
do that. I said to Trevor that one day I would like to do an English
degree but I don’t know whether I would cope. I’d like
to see the charity progress and I’d like to know that we’ve
helped people. Even if we just helped one person, that’s such
a big achievement and I’d like to do that.
Back
to top |